Wow, it has been a while!

Hello friends... So after much thought, I have decided to dedicate some time to this thing! As most of my friends/family members are aware, I have some quite funny anecdotes I would like to share on various topics. What will make this challenging is the fact that I spilled a bit of H2O on my laptop and hence the i p & k letters are not working. Le sigh.

Dear female employees of Crossroads Trading Co... I have a bone to pick!

Why are you all so damn bitchy? Perhaps I'm exaggerating a bit here, but for the most part, when I've entered a Crossroads store with the intent of selling my used clothing, I am usually met with 'up down looks' & hipster disgust with the clothing I am trying to sell. I do not own mom jeans. I don't own acid wash jeans, either. I'd like to think that for the most part I have quite fashionable clothing. I own items from various stores & boutiques. Regardless, the label should not matter. I have brought clothing into Crossroads that is fashionable, in-style, & in very good condition hoping to make a bit of cash. Unfortunately I was not aware that Crossroads only hires 'alternative', unfortunate, hipster 'I have not looked in a mirror for days' bitches to run its stores. These girls are judgmental and rude. When they pour your bag of clothes on the counter they look at each item, turn to their co-worker for validation of their disapproval (whereupon they make a certain 'face'), and then turn and throw your cute item into the 'no thanks' pile. Um, like these 'fashionistas' should even be the ones to judge what is considered stylish or 'hip'. I will admit that I am guilty of shopping there due to the bargains, and I'm sure one day I will not be able to hold back on a snide, sarcastic comment about their customer service or lack there of. Perhaps next time I pay a visit I'll bring in ridiculously heinous clothing from Goodwill just to see the response. I have a feeling they will pay top dollar for these duds.

who's view'in me?

I noticed that I had 50 peeps who've viewed my blog... it's not that interesting, but I'm wondering who the viewers are! Give me some love, readers!! ; )

Wingding font... where to begin?

So, as I'm sure this 'pickle' is one that many of us have pondered, I've taken it upon myself (purely for comedic material) to look into the use & relativity of the Wingding font. Great name... I'll give it that. If you want to design a circus brochure/flier/temporary tattoo/fast-food restaurant tagging concept, or introduce 'symbol speak' at clown school, I'm sure this font is an essential asset (and yes, there is a Clown School in SF - I worked with one of it's students - material on this individual to come in future post). However, beyond those very useful instances, who the hell uses this font and for what? I'll admit that I would love to submit my resume in this font and request that the hiring manager translate its contents to 'uncover' my amazing skill set and that if they declined said task it would be out of laziness. But that will not land me successful positions in Fisherman's Wharf, so I've chosen not to wingding my way into employment at Madam Tussaud's wondrous wax world of wonderment. Stupid move on my part. If I'm going to wantonly and willfully wander my way into a wonderful, wise workplace, I best be knowing what I'm willing to waver. Oh the weak web we weave. Oh how I've gone off on a wicked winging (w)tangent. I must post a link I have found to be quite educational on the usefulness of this font. And boy is it useful.

http://boardsus.playstation.com/playstation/board/message?board.id=offtopic&thread.id=2724256

Heaven forbid we get on the bad side of the 'mods'. Oh shit! Not the Mods. Oh wait, it's not 1995... so why are we worried? But I do respect the Wingding's usage to protect spoilers... I mean that's genius. It's like a secret language... BUT IT'S NOT!! I love this quote: "One of the traditional uses of it has been simply for spoilers. That way if someone is discussing a game or a movie they can post crucial plot points in webdings so as not to ruin it for others. Please refrain from misusing it though." Um, misusing it? How would one misuse your freak speak - um, I mean, your very intricate & creative vernacular usage. It's like a secret code that no one with a brain could ever uncover. This font stumps me... Damn you Wingdings!

Lithping... the new black? Ummmmm...

Call me crazy... But I'm hoping peeps will join me in my crusade... I think we should try to bring the 'lisp... or if you have one - lithp' back! I mean, just because you're not 2 doesn't mean it's not cute. OH WAIT! Yes it does! LISPS ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE PAST THE AGE OF 5, IF THAT! Sorry to thteal your lithping thunder, but it's true, girlfriend/boyfriend. Get it looked into. Go to thpeach therapy. Do whatever you have to do to rid yourself of this 'OH SO UNSEXY' curse that has been bestowed upon you (and I do feel bad for you) that (unfortunately) some asshole or mean bitch told you was cute. It's not. It's heinous. It's a repellent. 'Nuf said. Get rid of it! Yes, I'm a bit harsh, but at least I'm honest. Right?

Foot in mouth... Not an abnormal occurence.

So anyone that knows me, knows that I have a tendency to put my foot in my mouth. A lot. Seriously, this happens so often that my friends have almost come to expect it.

1) Most recent instance: Last night I was on a pleasant date and my date and I happened to be walking in the oh-so-lovely Tenderloin, and we passed by an art gallery... We stopped to look at the artwork in the window. The artist has most definitely been influenced by Piet Mondrian... specifically his famous painting 'Broadway Boogie Woogie'. (One of the few things I have some knowledge on is art history as that was my major in college. Well, that and plastic doll sculptures.) So of course, I was very vocal stating the artist's influence (can't recall the copy cat artist's name, unfortunately.) What made things a bit painful was not only the fact that this artist splashed random paint on top of his Mondrian-style painting, but that I, very loudly, stated how bad I thought it was. All the while not knowing that the artist's photo was in the window and the artist himself was poking his head out the side of the gallery. Of course I was absolutely oblivious to this until my date pointed it out, and we briskly walked away trying not to turn back - but of course I did. Oh well... this would not be the first time I've unknowingly offended someone in my presence. Usually I actually like to offend (as a joke, of course), but it seems as though I do it naturally and not intentionally. So be it.

2) Another example of my 'foot in mouth' propensity occurred over a year ago, yet still makes for a good laugh. So a few of my girlfriends and myself were at a local bar we often frequent. This bar also changes the artwork it displays on the walls quite regularly. Well, I have a tendency to be vocal about my thoughts on art. Granted, I realize that it's 'individual' & 'in the eye of the beholder', yet when I really think something sucks, I have to say it. (i.e., Thomas Kinkade - I just had a slight barf reflex even typing his name). SO, here we are at our local bar... we know the owners and feel very welcome and comfortable here. Then my eyes turn to the horrific eye sore on the wall. Um, let's just say that I'm pretty sure my 5 yr old niece could do something far more eccentric & 'ironic' without trying to be eccentric and ironic. Collage. Yes, there on the wall hung a series of collages. For a second I thought I was viewing an angry Academy of Art student's goth display of political & religious angst. But alas, no. So as I'm viewing this collage filled with George Bush photos, crosses, the Virgin Mary, lame political quotes & photos of war torn Iraq all I can think is that the owners took pity on a local middle school student or an Academy student. Of course I waste zero time voicing my utter dislike to the nearest person. I go OFF. I mean I am ranting about the pathetic attempt at political/religious irony and how juvenile it is. I believe I even said 'middle school called, it wants its art project back.' While I'm catching my breath the person to whom I've been ranting says 'um, I'm actually the artist.' Well... what does one do in this sitch? All I said was 'there's no turning back now, is there?' He agreed with me and angrily walked off.

No doubt there are more sitches like this to come...

First blog entry of my new blog... so here goes!

So upon some serious thought as well as input from several friends, I've decided to start a blog about some pretty random stuff. This blog may or may not contain any of the following: A) Match/online dates I have been on or interaction w/ prospective 'dates'; 2) skits I have come up with but have yet to actually partake in; D) mockery of every-day life/people in SF (and outside of SF... so let's say worldwide); and last but not least... V) wild card instances/interactions/stories/concepts.

I must stress that I am quite unPC, and may come across as crass or offensive. I am not a mean person, but I do like to point out (and often mock) obvious ridiculous situations I either witness or am a part of. I find humor in uncomfortable situations, and therefor I often have no problem making comfortable situations awkward, just for humor's sake! SO, if Larry David's humor offends you, you probably will not want to continue to read this blog (and you are also an uptight idiot... no offense!). And if you do not know who Larry David is then you are seriously lame. (Again, no offense).

I will add some funny, juicy material tomorrow for sure. My main objective was to get this blog thang up and started tonight... So, readers don't fret. I promise some pretty funny shit in the days to come. I am now off to bed in hopes that I can sleep through Tourette neighbor's yelling combined with fighting couple's rants. SF apt living rocks!